What I’ve Learned Working With Women Who Are Rethinking Alcohol

Over the past few years, I’ve had the privilege of working with women from all walks of life — healthcare professionals, managers, carers, mothers, creatives — many of whom came to me with the same quiet question:

“I don’t think I have a drinking problem… but something doesn’t feel right anymore.”

They weren’t necessarily drinking every day. They weren’t hitting rock bottom. In fact, many were outwardly successful, capable, and coping. But alcohol had slowly become entwined with stress relief, switching off, reward, connection — and sometimes survival.

What follows are some of the most consistent things I’ve learned from working closely with these women.

1. Most women don’t come for alcohol — they come for relief

Very few clients arrive saying, “Help me stop drinking.”
What they usually say is something like:

• “I feel flat, anxious, or disconnected from myself.”

• “I’m exhausted and can’t seem to reset properly.”

• “I don’t feel like me anymore.”

Alcohol is rarely the root issue. It’s the tool that’s been quietly doing a job — numbing stress, soothing overwhelm, softening loneliness, or creating a sense of permission to rest.

When women realise this, shame drops away. They stop seeing themselves as weak or failing — and start seeing their behaviour as adaptive, even intelligent, given the pressure they’ve been under.

That shift alone is often deeply healing.

2. Grey-area drinking is incredibly common — and incredibly confusing

Many of the women I work with sit in what’s often called the grey area of drinking. They’re not dependent, but they’re not free either.

They might:

• regularly exceed guidelines

• struggle with sleep, mood, or energy

• plan to “cut back” — then feel frustrated when it doesn’t stick

What’s striking is how often they’ve told themselves:

“Other people drink more than me — so I shouldn’t be making a fuss.”

But comparison doesn’t equal clarity.

Once women understand how alcohol affects sleep, hormones, stress response, and mood — often in subtle, cumulative ways — their self-trust starts to return. This isn’t about fear. It’s about information and agency.

3. Safety and being heard matter more than strategies

Again and again, clients reflect that the most powerful part of coaching wasn’t advice — it was being listened to without judgement.

Many women have spent years:

• holding families together

• being the reliable one

• pushing through exhaustion

They’re rarely asked how they are really doing.

Creating a calm, compassionate space — where someone feels seen and not “fixed” — allows deeper insights to emerge. Confidence grows not from being told what to do, but from reconnecting with inner wisdom that’s often been drowned out by noise, pressure, and expectation.

4. Alcohol-free (or alcohol-light) changes ripple far beyond drinking

One of the most common surprises clients share is that changing their relationship with alcohol affects far more than evenings or weekends.

Women often notice:

• improved sleep and steadier energy

• clearer thinking and emotional resilience

• increased confidence in decision-making

• a renewed sense of creativity or purpose

Importantly, this doesn’t require perfection or lifelong labels. For many, simply creating space from alcohol allows the nervous system to settle — and with that comes clarity about what they actually need.

5. Confidence grows when women trust themselves again

Perhaps the biggest transformation I witness isn’t physical - it’s internal.

As women learn to pause, reflect, and make choices aligned with their values, something shifts. They stop outsourcing comfort, permission, or worth to a glass of wine — and begin building trust in themselves.

That confidence shows up everywhere:

• setting boundaries

• making changes at work

• prioritising health

• imagining a future that feels lighter and more intentional

Alcohol was never the whole story. It was just part of a much bigger one.

A final reflection

Rethinking alcohol doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. More often, it means you’re paying attention.

The women I work with are thoughtful, capable, and deeply self-aware. They’re not trying to become someone new - they’re trying to come back to themselves.

And that, in my experience, is where real change begins.

Annie Knowles
Life & Alcohol-Free Coach
Co-host of The Hidden Ways Alcohol Affects Your Mood & Health masterclass with Professor Charles Knowles, author of Why We Drink Too Much